"Everything but the problem" is a phrase I came up with several years ago for when people are so in denial that they can only see everything/everyone else as the problem (and spend so much time on those things) instead of addressing the real problem. Funny thing is is that when (if) they start addressing the actual problem all or most of the other perceived problems quickly dissipate. Yet instead so much time and energy is spent and wasted instead on solving every problem except the actual problem.
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For all of us who try so hard and fail... and still try... just to be known, to be seen, I submit to you this hymn that my brother shared with me.
Hymn 101
Joe Pug
Yeah I've come to know the wishlist of my father.
I've come to know the shipwrecks where he wished.
I've come to wish aloud among the overdressed crowd.
Come to witness now the sinking of the ship.
Throwing pennies from the seatop next to it.
And I've come to roam the forest past the village
With a dozen lazy horses in my cart.
I've come here to get high
To do more than just get by
I've come to test the timber of my heart.
Oh I've come to test the timber of my heart.
And I've come to be untroubled in my seeking.
And I've come to see that nothing is for naught.
I've come to reach out blind
To reach forward and behind
For the more I seek the more I'm sought
Yeah, the more I seek the more I'm sought.
And I've come to meet the sheriff and his posse,
To offer him the broad side of my jaw.
I've come here to get broke,
Then maybe bum a smoke.
We'll go drinking two towns over after all.
Well, we'll go drinking two towns over after all.
And I've come to meet the legendary takers.
I've only come to ask them for a lot.
Oh they say I come with less than I should rightfully possess.
I say the more I buy the more I'm bought.
And the more I'm bought the less I cost.
And I've come to take their servants and their surplus.
And I've come to take their raincoats and their speed.
I've come to get my fill
To ransack and spill.
I've come to take the harvest for the seed.
I've come to take the harvest for the seed.
And I've come to know the manger that you sleep in.
I've come to be the stranger that you keep.
I've come from down the road,
And my footsteps never slowed.
Before we met I knew we'd meet.
Before we met I knew we'd meet.
And I've come here to ignore your cries and heartaches.
I've come to closely listen to you sing.
I've come here to insist
That I leave here with a kiss.
I've come to say exactly what I mean.
And I mean so many things.
And you've come to know me stubborn as a butcher.
And you've come to know me thankless as a guest.
But will you recognize my face
When God's awful grace
Strips me of my jacket and my vest,
And reveals all the treasure in my chest?
Share your thoughts on this song and these lyrics... what do they mean to you/for you?
Just did guest interview via Skype for a social work graduate class on the pros and cons of using telehealth in rural settings. I did a tally and found I have/have had clients I have worked with remotely (i.e., via phone, vid, chat) in 13 states, and 5 countries:
USA:
Arizona, California, Colorado, Illinois, Kentucky, Michigan, Missouri, New York, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia.
INTERNATIONAL:
Afghanistan, Canada (Alberta and Ontario), England, Mexico, Norway
Telehealth (or remote therapy as I call it) is a fascinating advancement in my field and I'm glad to have been an early adopter. Amazing how technology is helping bring more help to more people, give clients greater choice over their care instead of just "taking what they can get."
Someday I'll post the interview to further illustrate the pros and cons, some considerations on how to do it effectively, etc... or make it into an FAQ for clients.
Note: This map should show Canada highlighted (I've worked with clients in two provinces there).
Today, Nov 11th on Veteran's Day I'm thankful for the veterans I know personally:
My dad: George S. Miller, Army, Vietnam
My brother Benjamin J. Sherman, Air Force
My father-in-law: Warner B. Poppleton, Navy
My friend: Rod Morgan, Army, Korea
My friend and colleague: Jason Williams, National Guard, Iraq
My neighbors:
Josh Grace, WWII
Ron Smith, WWII
Lamar Cox, Vietnam
Col. Matt Price, National Guard (Iraq 2x)
My former neighbors:
David Bertele, Marines
Phillip Bertele, National Guard (?)
My ancestor: General William Tecumsah Sherman (Civil War)
Numerous clients I can't name due to confidentiality.
And I'm thankful for the many, many, many more veterans I don't know.
Thank you all!!!
What are YOU grateful for today? Please share in the comments below...
About this ongoing post...
Appreciation and gratitude cover a lot of ground. In my life and in my work gratitude and appreciation help develop self-mastery, transform marriages, reduce stress, improve parenting, increase happiness and develop a sense of well-being.
Our friend and neighbor, Rachelle Upwall, recommended listing one thing a day we were grateful for as a prelude to Thanksgiving. Great idea!
What are YOU grateful for today? Please share...
Previous Days...
Nov 10th, #10: I am thankful for veterans. Last night, in honor of Veteran's Day this week, our Young Men's group went to the homes of two different veterans in our neighborhood and listened to their stories of service as young men in WWII and the Vietnam War. Impressive stories by impressive men. Our freedoms come at a high price. Veteran's Day is tomorrow. Take some time to express your gratitude openly.
Today, Nov 9th, #9: I am grateful for incredibly silly and brilliant people who have dedicated their lives to making people laugh. What a great thing. One person in particular I'm grateful for is John Cleese and the Monty Python crew. I submit for your viewing pleasure The Minisitry of Silly Walks sketch:
Nov 8th, #8: I am grateful for THE best chicken pot pie on the planet! OMY! (oh my yum!) Surrounded by my awesome family and our dear friend. Nov 7th, #7: I am grateful for the inspired, creative author who penned the words below that centuries later still stir my soul and remind me to be at peace. I am grateful for the skilled composer who created the melody that so perfectly was used to convey the words. I am grateful for the talented singers who bring it all to life.
Hymn: Be Still, My Soul
Author: Written by Katharina von Schlegel in 1752
Tune: The Finlandia Hymn, composed by Jean Sibelius in 1899 and 1900
Singers: Libera Boys Choir
Be still my soul - the Lord is on thy side;
bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
leave to thy God to order and provide;
in every change - he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul - thy best thy heavenly Friend
through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still my soul - when dearest friends depart,
and all is darkened in the vale of tears,
then shalt thou better know his love - his heart,
who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul - the waves and winds still know
his voice who ruled them - while he dwelt below.
Be still my soul the hour is hastening on
when we shall be forever with the Lord,
when disappointment - grief and fear are gone,
sorrow forgot - love's purest joys restored,.
Be still my soul - when change and tears are past,
all safe and blessed - we shall meet at last.
Nov 6th, #6: I am grateful for a lawn to mow and a home to live in. Nov 5th, #5: I am thankful today for opportunities. What kind? You name it: Opportunities... afforded by living in a free country; to work; to learn from mistakes; to learn from intelligent, compassionate and wise people; to better myself; to provide for my family—both their physical and emotional needs; to serve; to be served; to stand up for others; to be kind; to practice my faith; to learn from other faiths; and many more. Nov 4th, #4: I am grateful today for my courageous clients: The odds-defiers, the chain-breakers, the marriage transformers, the destiny creators. These brave and wise souls take full ownership of their lives and reject the shackles of history, ignorance, despair and habit. I am grateful that I am inspired daily by these dear people who let me into their lives and witness such beautiful and powerful change. Nov 3rd, #3: I am thankful for my Treasures (Adam, Emily, Molly and Matthew). Nov 2nd, #2: "Everything's Amazing and Nobody's Happy" clip. Funny and so true.
Nov 1st, #1: Since my wife is 1st I'll start there. To my wife, Kara, this morning I wrote on her Facebook wall: "I was just looking at pictures you've posted here of our family... having a 'moment'... and loving you so much for the family you've made for me. I love you and our kids forever."
A friend just shared this quote with me which I believe is at the heart of developing self-mastery:
"There is nothing to attain, just feeling, delighting, and aligning." —The Heart of Transformation, by John Friend (Anusara Yoga)
Right on! Some scriptures came to mind in response to that quote:
"Peace, be still!", "Be still, and know that I am God"
— Quiet the storm and connect with quiet FEELING and just know.
"The kingdom of God is within you", "The worth of souls is great in the sight of God"
— just ALIGN with what already is. Stop fighting what "should" be and align with what truly IS inside you and around you.
"Consider the lilies of the field...", "Rejoice in the day the Lord has made."
— DELIGHTING in what is all around us already. Rarely do we take the time to consider, delight and rejoice. The old cliché of "stop and smell the roses" is wise indeed.
And while, as the quote states above, "there is nothing to attain", paradoxically while we stop trying to attain and instead focus on feeling, aligning and delighting the result is attainment of the most precious experience of all: peace.
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you."
Children Will Listen Stephen Sondheim, Into the Woods Sung by Mandy Patinkin
Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see and learn
Children may not obey,
but children will listen
Children will look to you
for which way to turn
To learn what to be
Careful before you say
"Listen to me"
Children will listen
How do you say to your child in the night?
Nothing's all black, but then nothing's all white
How do you say it will all be all right
When you know that it mightn't be true?
What do you do?
Careful the wish you make
Wishes are children
Careful the path they take
Wishes come true, not free
Careful the spell you cast
Not just on children
Sometimes the spell may last
Past what you can see
And turn against you
Careful the tale you tell
That is the spell
Children will listen
The rest of the lyrics:
How can you say to a child who's in flight
"Don't slip away and I won't hold so tight"
What can you say that no matter how slight Won't be misunderstood
What do you leave to your child when you're dead?
Only whatever you put in it's head
Things that you're mother and father had said
Which were left to them too
Careful what you say
Children will listen
Careful you do it too
Children will see
And learn, oh guide them that step away
Children will glisten
Tample with what is true
And children will turn
If just to be free
Careful before you say
"Listen to me"
An elder Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me.. it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
"One wolf represents fear, anger, …envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
"The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
"This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too," he added.
The grandchildren thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The grandfather simply replied, "The one you feed."
Source: I had heard this story years ago and recently found it on Deb Wilson's great blog:
Why compassion for other's weaknesses, shortcomings and faults? I just read a simple and good answer in Catching Fire (2nd book in The Hunger Games trilogy, p.32):
"Because sometimes things happen to people and they're not equipped to deal with them."
Too often we hold people to the standard of our own preparation and abilities, when the truth is not all are equipped the same. Compassion creates space to learn and become equipped. Judgment creates no space, only demands immediate compliance.
— For more tips, strategies and resources for creating truly GREAT relationships with self and others visit http://JonathanSherman.net —
My Open Letter to the Critics and Naysayers of World:
Besides your criticisms, Monday morning quarterbacking, and fault-finding of those who actually DO take action, what have you actually DONE yourself? If the answer is nothing, keep your mouth shut.
Thank you, The Doers of the World
I get weary of all the know-it-alls who are quick to problem-talk, reject solutions, discourage rather than encourage, dash dreams, be loudly pessimistic, give reason after reason why it "can't be done", etc. I've come to the point where I'm done listening to those who don't or won't contribute to improving life. Critics contribute nothing. To paraphrase Yoda, "DO or do not" and if you are a "do not" then keep quiet.
— For more tips, strategies and resources for creating truly GREAT relationships with self and others visit http://JonathanSherman.net —
If you're finally ready to stop wishing, hoping, and dreaming for the great relationship you really want to experience, and/or if you're ready to stop complaining that you don't have that relationship, then now is the time for action. Tomorrow never comes. Today is our only opportunity for greatness.
Contact me for a free 30-minute phone consultation to discuss your relationship concerns, goals and how we can begin implementing strategies to begin achieving true and lasting greatness in your relationships! Contact me directly at 801.787.8014 or jonathan@bardos.net. I look forward to hearing you say, as my clients frequently do, "I never knew relationships could be this good!"
